Misgivings
In March 2020, the coronavirus pandemic took hold of the world and devastated millions in the months to come. The loss of jobs, opportunities, and lives became consistent, and the fear of the unknown loomed over everyone. In the U.S., social changes and upheavals occurred due to politics and racism that had gone unacknowledged for far too long. The racial scapegoating of Asian-Americans moved from hateful rhetoric to acts of violence. Each day, they became more frequent, and each day they were ignored, downplayed, and accepted. Being from the Central Valley and attending school in the Bay, Gabriella felt personally affected and hurt by the way racism and crimes against her community were dismissed. Hearing racial slurs, labeling the corona virus the “China virus”, and having to listen to others say “Asian isn’t a race,” was painful and frustrating, especially when the racism she had witnessed against her friends and family were vilified and rejected.
It took months before the community became sensitive to this and began to spread educational awareness to the dangers of being passive towards these issues that had continued to incite fear in the Asian-American community. Perhaps the most frustrating thing was the fact that it took the Atlanta shootings for people to understand the severity of the issue, and even then, there were many that didn’t want to label it a hate crime. Today, crimes against the Asian-American community persist, and though this is nothing new (Japanese internment, anti-Vietnamese attitudes during and post Vietnam War, etc.), taking steps to educate the community on what it’s like to feel pressured to be something other than what you are and to cancel your culture for the sake of safety and security is very much real.
As a student of Sociology and Art Practice, Gabriella has dedicated her time and efforts towards understanding these trends and issues within the Asian-American community. Misgivings is a body of work that symbolizes doubt. To doubt one’s identity and actions out of the fear of being rejected and not accepted describes the main character in the script’s attitude towards needing to fit in and belong. Originally written as a film script, Misgivings narrates the experiences of a high school age Asian-American girl going to school in the midst of the pandemic in a predominantly white town. As a body of work, the intention behind the video projects was to be less of a narrative, and rather, a visual metaphor conveying the emotions and feelings behind certain high points of the script. Curated alongside these video pieces, are photo images developed as cyanotypes that showcase the Valley and stills that reflect some of the major themes – which gives the project a personal touch by taking the viewer into the artist’s own perspective.
Video and images below: (all 2021)
Misgivings, Video (below), Inspired by the script written by the artist (Misgivings), each vignette was a film embodiment of the five high points within the narrative. Using visual metaphors, Gabriella conveys the emotions and angst encapsulated within the script.
Vignette #1: The Dream: Exaggerated eye makeup gives off the illusion of unnaturally large eyes. What starts out as a perfectly-set look takes a turn when tears of blood begin to stream down.
Vignette #2: The Mirror: A feeling of angst is conveyed through the intenseness of the sound frequency playing. Images of a small-town contrast the main character who gives off an impression of self-consciousness as she looks in the mirror.
Vignette #3: The Parking Lot: In the script, a cup of ice is thrown at the main character as a way to shame her. She longs for the rigidity regarding her restrictions of individual identity to be thawed. Acceptance and conformity is what she desires. In this shot, a girl with a prim look resembling the first shot in the first vignette is stuck in an ice cube–only for it to melt slowly.
Vignette #4: The Makeover: Visually depicting a pair of eyes (one with and the other without makeup), a candle circle surrounded by dried flowers, a lava lamp, and white cowboy boots, this shot was meant to convey transformation or metamorphosis. At this point in the narrative, the main character is slowly beginning anew and changing into something separate from her identity.
Vignette #5:The End Scene: Suburbia on fire! The vision for this particular shot was to visually show the need to deconstruct our vision and perception of normalcy. In a town where things seem fine, there is a need to recognize the pain, suffering, and injustice everywhere aside from the small bubble we live in. Though we think we are unaffected because of who we are and where we are, we are still people and as the saying goes, injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere.
Cyanotypes (below from left to right): Capturing shots of a small town similar to the one in the script, Gabriella photographed and developed images of her own hometown to give this project a personal touch. The images are titled by location.
Photos below are preparatory sketches for the scenes and characters in the film. These stills were exhibited alongside the cyanotypes; the physical work creates red and blue stripes.
The Dream : Keywords: Large eyes, over exaggerated makeup, and a visual representation of the dream described in the opening dream scene sets this piece aside from the rest. The Mirror: Following the idea of makeup on one eye but not on the other was an important visual in conveying the duality in the main character’s identity. The Parking Lot: A cup with ice thrown on the floor represents this particular scene. The Makeover: Rather than showcasing makeup yet again, this scene depicts a mask made out of jeans. The End Scene: White boots are shown here to show the finality in the conflict of the plot as well as a new beginning in the characters identity.